Life since my trip to Uganda

Since returning from Uganda, life has felt crazy. For a short time after the trip I felt confident that I knew what I was supposed to be doing next. That quickly faded. I had never felt more stressed about figuring out what my next steps should be for my career. I'd received offers for jobs that I applied to, but then declined because something did not feel like it was right. During this time of uncertainty someone counseled me by saying, "When it is what God has for you, you will have deep peace".

I was not experiencing this deep peace and I could not figure out what I was doing wrong. I decided to move forward with my potential return to Uganda, but again, I did not feel the deep peace. I prayed for deep peace but did not receive it.

In my desperate search for peace I was surprised to find it where I work. I had applied to other jobs, tried to leave the country, and was searching for what I thought God had for me (as if I knew what it was). And then my peace was found at the place I was trying to leave. This peace not only was all at once but also grew and developed.

I began to grow my peace by listing the things about my workday that I was grateful for. Whether it was opportunities to minister, fun moments with my coworkers, or even opportunities that stretched and grew me.

Throughout the Bible God is described as the God of peace. Peace is not only something believers receive from God but it is also interwoven into His character. Peace is who God is. The Hebrew & Greek word for peace means wholeness or completeness. So experiencing and knowing peace is directly connected to experiencing and knowing God. The night before Jesus is crucified He tells His disciples that it is in Him that they will have peace. John 16:33 says, "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world".

The concept of peace would have been a familiar concept to the disciples. Their regular greeting was "Shalom Shalom", which means perfect peace. Like many of Jesus' teachings, at first the disciples did not understand what it meant to receive God's peace. When Jesus was taken to be crucified the disciples were quick to forget Jesus' words. They went and hid. And in Peter's case, even denied Him. They worried about their circumstances and feared for their own lives.

Like the disciples, we unknowingly reject God's peace by worrying. By trying to do things our own way and take control, we undermine God's plan for our peace.

I shared my experience of doubt in what God had for me with a friend and he introduced this idea of holy discontentment. The book of 1 Peter speaks of sanctification, specifically in the context of persecution and suffering. Peter tells us that we were chosen to be reborn, but that this rebirth is also accompanied with new behavior.

1 Peter 1:13-15 says, "Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct," (ESV, emphasis added). We are not saved to continue on in our sin (our way of life) but rather saved to become more like Jesus (HOLY). Later on in 1 Peter 3:11 it says, "They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it". Our peace-pursuit is directly connected to turning from evil and doing good. When we remember the original meaning of the Hebrew/Greek word for peace, this concept makes complete sense. As we pursue completeness (peace), this is found in God. But God in His perfect holiness cannot tolerate our sin. When we accept Him we receive the onset peace of knowing we are seen with the righteousness of Christ. But we also must grow our peace with the pursuit of God and rejection and evil.

So, this concept of holy discontentment would mean that we would not be ignorant to our sin but rather would pray that it would make us uncomfortable so that we can continue to be conformed to the image of Christ.

We experience the peace of God in regards to our justification and sanctification status, but what about experiencing His peace as I am following God's plan for my life. Why was I not receiving God's peace the way I thought? It bothered me that throughout my decision making process I was not feeling peace, especially since I was praying for it. As believers we know that God listens to us when we pray. I believe that my lack of peace was God's Spirit inside of me leading my steps. I trust that He was (and is) Sovereign over my plans and that if it is in His will for my life, it will happen without my peace. I think also that I can experience His peace in ways I hadn't before as I continue to commune with Him, even when my circumstances don't feel peaceful.

All this to say that I am still seeking out what God has for me. I am continuing to look for ways that I can grow closer to God and help others along the way. The idea of holy discontentment also allows us to recognize areas in which we have settled for anything less than what God has for us. I am praying for either continued peace or discontentment that shows me it is time for something new.

Even while writing this I have continued to feel peace about staying where I am at. Though I continue to pray for the ministry and people in Uganda, I believe that God has plans in store for me at Willamette Community Church. This November I have the opportunity to travel to Sierra Leone, West Africa to meet and minister to our Global Ministry Partners. I am excited for the opportunity to serve and continue considering God's calling on my life.