It’s 13 days until Resurrection Sunday (woohoo!), which means there are only 13 more days of Lent.
The tradition of Lent is something I have practiced since I was young, though poorly. Much of my Lent-ing has actually been about finding loopholes to "please" God. I would fast from buying Dutch Bros, but I would get other people to buy it for me. One year, as a kid, I fasted from watching TV, so I would sit on the couch and face the other direction. I would listen to the TV but not technically watch it.
The more I have grown in my faith, the more I have recognized the purpose of fasting, which isn't to "win" at what you're fasting from, but to identify with Christ during the season leading up to His death on our behalf.
This year, I decided to fast from sleeping in. My goal was to be up by 6 every morning, which would slow my morning pace and allow me time to read my Bible and do devotionals. From this shift in my wake hours, I ended up having more free time in the evening since I was productive in the morning, but I also had to go to bed earlier. I had to be intentional with my time. I've read 2 books so far. I have drank way more coffee. I've gone to bed late and been tired in the morning. I have woken up refreshed. I have gone on a run in the morning.
I am super grateful for the way I have learned more about God and about myself this Lent season. It has been soul-refreshing to have quiet time in the morning with God. I have learned about God's desire for me to be in relationship with Him. I have learned about what I prioritize with my time (both before and during Lent).
I have also learned about my tendencies toward guilt and shame.
I really like to win. And to be good at things. I am trying church softball this year, and it is so humbling to not be good at it right away. I have to be teachable. I have to be able to make mistakes. That is very hard for me.
I am so competitive that not being successful right away feels like being a failure.
The same is true for my fasting. I try hard to build habits that are pleasing to God. I want to please God. But then I quickly forget the grace of God.
I quickly return to a works-based mindset that tries to earn its way to Heaven.
I don’t wake up on time, and I feel as though I have lost the favor of God.
I don’t understand how I so quickly forget how I was saved.
I am just like the Galatians. Paul wrote to them because they also forgot how they were saved. They believed that their justification depended on following the law.
Galatians 3:1-3
O foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? It was before your eyes that Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified. Let me ask you only this: Did you receive the Spirit by works of the law or by hearing with faith? Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?
How foolish can I be! I so quickly forget the grace of God, which saves me. In vain, I try to save myself. I think that by waking up early to read my Bible, God will love me more.
My pride is huge.
But… His grace is bigger.
This Lent season has been humbling. It has shown me some of my blind spots and weaknesses. It has shown me how I rely on myself.
I am grateful for the work of Christ in my life. I am thankful for His grace. I am thankful that I can worship Him in my works as a response.
I am praying that this close to the Lent season continues to bring me closer to God. I am praying that God would continue to reveal Himself to me.
